Why I don't regret past choices (and you don't have to, either)
Or: Okay, maybe I did mess up — but at least I’m interesting now
I thought about writing about this, because it’s an ongoing topic with a close friend of mine.
She often questions everything she does — especially past decisions.
Always thinking “what if?” and feeling regret.
Weighing decisions down to painful levels, being positive that past decisions were wrong and others would have been right.
Why I don’t regret my past decisions
Meanwhile, I wasn’t happy with where I was either, but I didn’t doubt all of my past decisions because of that.
I wasn’t scared of making new decisions for my future either.
When she asked me why, this is the conclusion I came to:
For me, right and wrong don’t exist as two separate categories.
There are only choices — and consequences.
Consequences can be good or bad, usually a mix of both, and always somewhere on a scale.
“You can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending.” – C.S. Lewis
Choices and consequences – not right or wrong
So yes, maybe I could’ve made a different choice that led to more positive outcomes — a decision that would have been more right, in a sense.
But I can’t know that for sure.
I’ll never know all the possible consequences in advance.
So for me, questioning it in hindsight becomes irrelevant.
If I’m unhappy where I am, the only thing I can do is make a new choice to change my situation - just based on what I estimate the consequences to be.
What this is and isn’t about (a quick note on morality)
Of course, I’m not talking about right and wrong not existing in a moral sense.
That is not what this is about.
It’s about personal decisions and constantly weighing the outcomes against the idealised versions we promise ourselves the other choice would have led to.
It’s about thinking that deciding on a path means you have to stay on that path.
About believing that energy spent on the “wrong” things is energy wasted.
And about using the time you have now to mourn the time given to what didn’t work.
It’s about viewing overthinking as damage control - when in reality, not only does it fail to prevent damage, it causes more of it: in the form of anxiety, fear, and heartbreak.
Yes, you should think about the consequences of your actions.
No, you should not let that overshadow your present, your future and your peace of mind.
When regret eats up your life, your mind clearly lingers more on the past then anywhere else - the one part of your life you can no longer influence.
When you are too scared of making decisions for the future, you are overlooking future-you’s ability to make their own, new decisions - as if they were just a passive victim of your current ones.
They are not, unless you let them - by being that passive version of yourself when the time comes.
Especially for neurodivergent people, overthinking decisions isn’t just a bad habit.
It can feel like a survival strategy. But it rarely protects us the way we hope it will.
What overthinking overlooks
You might choose a course of study that turns out to be less than you imagined.
But that doesn’t mean you are stuck in that field.
Maybe you switch fields down the line and your unique mix of knowledge giving you exactly the edge you need.
You might choose a job that turns out to be exhausting.
But you don’t have to stick with it.
Maybe it taught you something important about your needs, or gave you just the skill you needed to land your dream job.
You might have been stuck in a relationship that only caused hurt for a long time.
But that doesn’t mean you can’t leave it.
Maybe it taught you what to look out for, or helped you realise what you really value, making your future relationships all the more precious.
Regret doesn’t change the past — but it can poison the present
I don’t mean to downplay bad experiences and the pain they can cause.
But they are just that: experiences.
Things that are perceived, understood, and remembered - and then you have to go from where those experiences leave you, instead of drown in them.
Feel it. Name it. Then move on.
You are not stuck. You are evolving.
We make choices based on what we know — and live with the consequences.
And when we don’t like where we are, we get to make new choices.
That’s not failure. That’s growth.
You are not the sum of your past decisions.
You’re the person who gets to make the next one.
So, what kind of decider are you?
What’s your take on this?
Are you like my friend?
Are you like me?
How much do you question yourself, how do you deal with the consequences and how scared are you of making decisions about your future?
PS: I’m still playing with the idea of creating a small digital shop — something slow, personal, and a little outside the usual mold.
It’s not a funnel. Not a launch. Just a shelf, waiting to be filled — with short guides, small art pieces, and maybe someday: work from others who don’t feel loud enough for their own platform.
Nothing’s set yet, but it’s been on my mind a lot.
If something like that existed — what would you hope to find?
I'm definitely like you most of the time , with the occasional, delusional setback, hahah.
I'm like your friend but I'm working on being more like you. There's no point dwelling on the past. Just take what you can learn from it and move on and not make the same mistakes.