I'm like your friend but I'm working on being more like you. There's no point dwelling on the past. Just take what you can learn from it and move on and not make the same mistakes.
I don’t mean I never dwell on the past — I’m not above that. But I don't question myself over every little thing, and that alone makes a huge difference.
Here’s a simple example:
Sometimes I meet up with said friend for a late lunch.
8 out of 10 times, she’ll say something like, “Ugh, it’s not as good as I thought. I should’ve picked the other thing,” or “Yours looks way better.”
Meanwhile, I’m just sitting there, enjoying my food, not thinking twice about it.
That might not sound like much, but I feel she does this with nearly every single thing in her life.
I get exhausted just imagining what it’s like to think that way all the time.
okay I’m not exactly like that but I do see a bit of me in her!! It can’t be all the time can it though? There must be times when she likes stuff? Is happy.? Isn’t looking back… but yeah, sometimes we don’t know that we’re stuck in a pattern which we have to unlearn to be happy
It’s not all the time, but it’s definitely a lot, exactly because she has this habit even with the little things.
Like, if she’s happy with the food, she might be unhappy with her drink. Or the ambience. Or the dessert.
We’ve had days where we wanted to go to a café, walked into the first one, and she didn’t like the cake selection or the vibe. So we walked back out. Same thing at the next one. Third one’s finally fine, but the cake doesn’t taste how she expected, so now she’s disappointed.
I don’t really mind, but if it were me, I would’ve just eaten at the first café. And if I didn’t like it, I’d think “Eh, not my favorite” and probably not go back, rather than being sad that I didn’t choose something else.
I guess my point is:
She has a much higher chance of being dissatisfied with everyday life, because she overthinks the little things I only register as background noise.
PS: Oh and she knows, we've talked about it a lot. It's just hard to turn off.
That’s difficult. yeah, really hard. I love a lot of things but I can see she’s comfortable in that space - it’s familiar. it’s hard for her to be anything else.
For a long time now, I have been training my brain to realize that there are no unfortunate choices, just more choices
(like you, I will add the thinking person’s caveat that of course I’m not talking about tragedy. Shame we have to say that so that people don’t go right to invalidation).
If I make a choice I don’t like, I will just make another one.
I’ve been doing this so long now that I rarely even think about it. It just made sense to me.
It’s really nice to hear somebody else talking about it. 🥰
I'm definitely like you most of the time , with the occasional, delusional setback, hahah.
I'm like your friend but I'm working on being more like you. There's no point dwelling on the past. Just take what you can learn from it and move on and not make the same mistakes.
Yeah, it can be really difficult, can’t it?
I don’t mean I never dwell on the past — I’m not above that. But I don't question myself over every little thing, and that alone makes a huge difference.
Here’s a simple example:
Sometimes I meet up with said friend for a late lunch.
8 out of 10 times, she’ll say something like, “Ugh, it’s not as good as I thought. I should’ve picked the other thing,” or “Yours looks way better.”
Meanwhile, I’m just sitting there, enjoying my food, not thinking twice about it.
That might not sound like much, but I feel she does this with nearly every single thing in her life.
I get exhausted just imagining what it’s like to think that way all the time.
okay I’m not exactly like that but I do see a bit of me in her!! It can’t be all the time can it though? There must be times when she likes stuff? Is happy.? Isn’t looking back… but yeah, sometimes we don’t know that we’re stuck in a pattern which we have to unlearn to be happy
It’s not all the time, but it’s definitely a lot, exactly because she has this habit even with the little things.
Like, if she’s happy with the food, she might be unhappy with her drink. Or the ambience. Or the dessert.
We’ve had days where we wanted to go to a café, walked into the first one, and she didn’t like the cake selection or the vibe. So we walked back out. Same thing at the next one. Third one’s finally fine, but the cake doesn’t taste how she expected, so now she’s disappointed.
I don’t really mind, but if it were me, I would’ve just eaten at the first café. And if I didn’t like it, I’d think “Eh, not my favorite” and probably not go back, rather than being sad that I didn’t choose something else.
I guess my point is:
She has a much higher chance of being dissatisfied with everyday life, because she overthinks the little things I only register as background noise.
PS: Oh and she knows, we've talked about it a lot. It's just hard to turn off.
That’s difficult. yeah, really hard. I love a lot of things but I can see she’s comfortable in that space - it’s familiar. it’s hard for her to be anything else.
For a long time now, I have been training my brain to realize that there are no unfortunate choices, just more choices
(like you, I will add the thinking person’s caveat that of course I’m not talking about tragedy. Shame we have to say that so that people don’t go right to invalidation).
If I make a choice I don’t like, I will just make another one.
I’ve been doing this so long now that I rarely even think about it. It just made sense to me.
It’s really nice to hear somebody else talking about it. 🥰